we stand behind our high chairs at the bar

like matadors ready for something new



the women come in & go out

or wait             they watch             we look



our conversation about them

or not             rating                     losing all ability to think

derailed when one beauty



or another walks past

we drink too much             it is almost enough



the game is on the TV

suspended 15 feet above our heads.



you have a toy bet with one of the waiters

just for $25     a sliver of distraction



beyond the glass wall the taxis slide north

the snow falling harder         in diagonal stripes.



"another day in paradise" you say, and then

"you have to share the love."



I think about the meaning of something

as I always do and remember what I said before



"everyone in their mind is eighteen forever

no matter what lies our bodies tell us."



I remember when we were young

and knew better                 at least we thought we did.



then you start talking about God

and eternity                         then take out your cell phone



to see the number of your latest call

and I start to laugh because we are not killing time



we are out playing                         drinking         talking         smoking

laughing                                     being a little stupid & more bitter



than the lemon                 on the asshole's bottle of Corona

standing next to me                 who keeps asking me about golf.



I look past to last week & the young blonde

we talked with in here         & her girlfriend who was going



to New York City to act & wasn't pretty enough

but the blonde was                             & when she slipped off her



black leather suit jacket             my eyes fell on her bare

shoulders                     her twenty-four-year-old honey skin



that led past the gold chain & locket

to the tops of her breasts                     & she laughed





                    & it was summer & I was over there

                    & had             been swimming for a long time

& my muscles

                    my back             & legs            

                    & arms hummed         quietly

                    over & over again             the same curved line



                    the pure curved line

                    in the sun             that was nothing

                    not magic                 not thought             not any damned thing



                    my body tired with the sweet

                    tired of play         without

                    my mind turning             over the pieces

of the mechanism



                    like the old watchmaker I have become

                    never dreamed I                            

                    would go directly there         my life



and I knew absolutely that my lips would

            never slide to the nape of her neck



and only the last thought was in her head too

            she drank dry martinis until             the guy showed up



she had been waiting for         who ignored us politely

            he was dressed exactly             like a magazine

advertisement



the ink still wet         she talked to two other guys

        to keep him                                 in the right state of balance



we watched him panting for her for an hour

        he hid it brilliantly & they left



for a party or something         you drank scotch         doubles

I switched back to beer                     you won the bet in overtime.



at last         my taxi driver & I did not speak         about God.

the snow fell harder & harder                                     making



the streetlights & the Christmas lights

                                                                                        very very pretty.